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Prepare yourself for a cold hard fact: the average erect penis in Britain is five-and-a-half inches long. We might not admit to it, but so much of our time is spent adding phantom inches when bragging about our bits on various dating apps or finding the perfect angle for a dick pic that makes it look just a little bit more impressive than it does IRL. But where did that notion of bigger being better come from? In order to cure it and increase its functionality, surgeons would use liposuction to remove fat from the pubic area to give the penis more girth. A more common, excruciating sounding surgery is ligamentolysis: severing the ligaments that attach the shaft of the penis to the pubic bone, letting it hang anywhere from centimetres longer when flaccid though it has no effect on the size when erect. The surge in interest in the procedure leads back to a problem few are willing to discuss out of fear of being ridiculed.

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By Dawn Cliffwood Feb 16, Photo: iStockphoto. She meant it as a compliment, obviously. I was offended that she would objectify my newborn this way—and force me to ponder his future sexual encounters. I was a bit chuffed.
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A few months ago, I had a round of these conversations with the usual suspects in my life. Think of it as a dick Overton window: a continuum of acceptability, but in this case, one that varies from person to person. Boyfriend dicks have a measurable component, of course, but not a consistent one.
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